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Hemlock B. Bootsalotta

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Darrell James Hueston: November 8 1969 - March 15 2019 [Mar. 18th, 2019|12:04 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|]
[mood |lost]

At one point when I was in the hospital with him, I told somebody I felt like I was trapped in amber. The only thing that changed was the colour of the light coming through the window. People came in and out, nurses did things, the phone blipped and beeped with calls and messages. Time stretched into infinity and I spent all of time inside a single beige room.

Meanwhile I fluttered around him like a moth, holding his hand, reading to him, talking to him, beating my wings against the glass while a candle slowly guttered out on the other side.

It still doesn't feel real. He spent three months at the hospital so it hasn't quite sunk in yet that he's not in the house. I'm not going to the hospital every day so now I have all this time on my hands and a huge to-do list and I'm seemingly incapable of connecting them to each other.

The funeral is on Wednesday. Maybe that's when it will finally hit me.

I will be OK. Everything will be OK. I have my partners, I have my friends, I have my family. Eventually life will stumble into something resembling normal. I will figure it out.

But in the meantime, I'm still trapped in amber.

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death by capitalism [Mar. 4th, 2019|10:56 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|]
[mood |really really late abortion]

I wonder if all those anti-vax articles would be less likely to be at the top of google results and therefore easier to refute if all the actual science wasn't hidden behind a fucking paywall.

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QoTD: Warning Label [Feb. 21st, 2019|03:46 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|, ]

[community profile] questionoftheday asks: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

My answer:

Contents under pressure.

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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2019|10:07 am]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
FUCK CANCER

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it was always meant to be this way [Jan. 27th, 2019|09:16 am]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|, ]
[mood |wet laundry]

Back in University I was very much one of the people who used to get deathly ill the second my final exams were over. I could feel myself starting to get sick at the worst possible time and I would just... hold on through sheer force of will until all my deadlines were over and then immediately collapse into a sodden feverish mess.

So it probably shouldn't have come as a huge surprise to me that now that the most dangerous part of Darrell's health crisis is over my brain chemistry has come roaring out of the back of my brain to run me over like a 40-ton truck.

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there's a light, over at the Frankenstein Place [Jan. 24th, 2019|10:41 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|, , ]

Last night Darrell was transferred out of ICU.

Can I get an extremely exhausted booyah.

He has a ways to go, a lot of it involving physiotherapy. You know those movies like 28 Days Later where people wake up from a coma, yank out the IV, and just walk out of the room. Bullshit. Soooooooooooo much bullshit.

Anyway. I counted and I have been at the hospital for 43 days in a row, so I am going to take advantage of the fact that other people want to visit him to start taking days off. Apart from anything else I think I paid some bills twice and others not at all last month, so I need to sort that out. And today he got a big-ass stack of paperwork from his insurance company so I need to read through it and figure out how that needs to be dealt with.

It's going to be a while and it's going to take a lot of work on his part. But man, his cat is going to plotz when he walks through the door.

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closets full of bees [Jan. 17th, 2019|01:23 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|, ]
[mood |exhausted]

I've been trying to write a post about what's happening with Darrell and it's just not coming.

He's still in ICU. Today marks the end of the fifth week. He's not getting out any time soon.

He is trending towards healing, but it's a process marked by frequent sudden changes and many many bumps. I'm getting whiplash from the roller-coaster.

Maybe once he's home I'll be able to actually talk about it.

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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2018|08:11 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
Darrell is in Intensive Care.


Everything is terrible.

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80-year character limit [Nov. 26th, 2018|05:39 pm]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|, ]
[mood |Animal Farm]

I should rename this blog to "I've been meaning to make an update but..."

So point form.

The Good
The job is going great. I got my yearly performance review last week, and it basically consisted of two managers sitting in a room and telling me how great I am for 10 minutes. Bonus & raise numbers haven't been finalized but they hinted that they asked for something good for me, so fingers crossed.

And the really part is that Axel is working again and oh my god I can't even tell you how much a relief it is to have that extra income. I've been holding my breath waiting for the financial juggling act to finally come crashing down around my ears and now maybe it... won't. I will be celebrating by replacing some of my more threadbare work clothes.

The Bad
I am soooo tired.

Work is kicking my ass.

House is kicking my ass.

I got kinda used to having people home during the day who could take care of stuff while I was at work. Axel used to make dinner most nights during the week, but since he's now getting home later than I do that's no longer an option. Me cooking during the week is just flat out not going to fucking happen, so instead I've gone back to cooking on weekends and packing containers into the fridge for reheating later. Sunday I had no fewer than four different things going at the same time. (Plus I made breakfast. I think for the foreseeable future I'm going to call it quits on making weekend breakfasts).

Meanwhile, poor D has been so sick. His doctor reduced his immune suppressants because long term use of those things is dangerous and he's been absolutely miserable. It's been like having the flu for going on a month with no relief in sight.

The Ugly
My province is a shit-show. My country isn't much better. I vote, I write letters, I sign petitions. I mostly avoid reading the news.

I feel like all I can do is keep plugging away.

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man, the 70s had a lot to answer for [Nov. 4th, 2018|11:40 am]
Hemlock B. Bootsalotta
[Tags|, ]
[mood |hoist by my own petard]

I was trying to give D a hard time and only succeeded in giving myself a Tony Orlando and Dawn earworm.

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